Fan’s Complaint

Last night, I watched Mel Gibson’s the Passion of the Christ. I must say that I had no idea what so ever that a film could be so moving. My eyes have been opened. I was living in sin. A life of wickedness. All of the drinking and smoking and self-abuse was not helping me at all. I was just digging myself deeper and deeper into damnation.

As of today, I renounce my former ways. I will no longer drink, smoke, or abuse my own body. I am forever giving up all of my vices. Even pornography.

I have accepted Jesus Christ as my personal savior. From now on, I am dedicating my life to the gospel and to missionary work.

I would like to start the latter by hosting the great work of art that completely changed my life. Click here to experience that which has opened my eyes. I hope that by this act I can spread the faith, and maybe change your wicked lives for the better as my life has been changed.

Thanks to these guys helping me realize my wicked ways.

Click here

On that page, the building in the background is my high school. I used to wonder about the inhabitants of that crazy boat. Some mornings I would see a man paddle to or from shore, sometimes with groceries. I had all kinds of wonderful ideas about who he was and why he lived on a crazy boat. My favorite one was that he was an advance scout for an invading mongol horde.

There was a building by my school that was tall and sinister looking, with no windows. I let my imagination run wild with that one too. It was an advanced robotics laboratory, or a missle silo, or a giant computer. Why else would a building not have windows? One day, I decided to walk over to that building, and actually find out what it was. To my dismay, I learned that it was just some AT&T thing.

Just last week, I thought about that crazy boat by my school, and I googled for half an hour without any luck. Just today, I was down in the old neighborhood with Dave, and we drove by the miniature golf course, and I thought again about that crazy boat.

It was still there when I graduated from Stuyvesant, but already gone by the time I came home for summer. I had hoped that maybe the guy decided he had had enough of the rat race in New York and just up and left.

When I started reading the New Yorker article about this Poppa Neutrino guy, I thought he was really cool, and then when they started describing his raft, a light went on inside my head, and I jumped out of bed and found the page above. I am so happy that the truth was, for once, not some horrible mundane thing that destroyed the ideal I had in my head.

I know this post sucks. I will add links and try to actually write something (as opposed to typing) tomorrow, when I have some energy.

There are two sudden dips in the highways of NYC where, when I go over them at high speed, I have an uncontrollable urge to go “WEE!” Today I went over one of them on my way out, and the other on my way home.

WEE!

It’s nice to be happy.

Smart money says this won’t last long.

***

Fan’s Complaint and Fan’s Rejoicing does not mix. Fear not, dear readers, once this is over, we will return to our regular programming. Until then, feel free to browse the archives for your daily dose of hate or angst. Or better if that isn’t your taste, e-mail me for a jolt of joy.

A heaven, a gateway, a hope
Just like a feeling inside, it’s no joke
And though it hurts me to treat you this way
Betrayed by words, I’d never heard, too hard to say
Up, down, turn around
Please don’t let me hit the ground
Tonight I think I’ll walk alone
I’ll find my soul as I go home

Each way I turn, I know I’ll always try
To break this circle that’s been placed around me
From time to time, I find I’ve lost some need
That was urgent to myself, I do believe

Up, down, turn around
Please don’t let me hit the ground
Tonight I think I’ll walk alone
I’ll find my soul as I go home

Oh, you’ve got green eyes
Oh, you’ve got blue eyes
Oh, you’ve got grey eyes

And I’ve never seen anyone quite like you before
No, I’ve never met anyone quite like you before
Bolts from above hit the people down below
People in this world, we have no place to go
Oh, it’s the last time
Oh, I’ve never met anyone quite like you before
Oh no, I’ve never met anyone quite like you before

New Order
Temptation (mp3)

(more…)

Rumours of my death have been greatly exaggerated.

Addendum: Apologies if you bought the story, but I really thought that the story I had concocted was a little outlandish. I mean, a bullet hitting my Zippo lighter making me burst into flames is pretty realistic, and so was the part about Mr. XS stomping on my body to put out the fire, and maybe I can get my act together and find a purpose. But who is going to believe that I met a girl at a bar?

I am alive and (un)well, and time is running out for you to fool me.

My clothes cannot contain the excitement!! Let’s all get naked super happy time for great enjoyment!!

Four hours and fifteen minutes is a new record! This is a momentous occasion. Never did I imagine when I Started my fantastic job moving boxes that one day I would climb to such great heights that it would take me 4hr 15min to get home from work!

It’s a fifty mile drive, so I was avgeraging 11.764705882352941176470588235294mph. oh man

kkkkk

there’s a fiftycent kennedy piece stuck to my bare ass. maybe it’s time to put on some clothes.

that’s over half the workday!

if you count the hour and a half this morning I spent 5hr 45min in my car. I could be halfway to cleveland by now.

It’s the new twenty-one.

Just when I thought I was out, I keep pulling myself back in.

!!!