OMG IT’S AN UPDATE!
Things are slowly settling back into place here at Fan’s Complaint. Nagging Self-Doubt has his music all queued up on the stereo. Guilt is checking the fridge to see if there’s any beer with Anxiety looking over his shoulder. Once Failure gets here, the party can get started!
I must’ve seen too many episodes of Herman’s Head (5 or so) when I was a wee lad.
***
I had brunch with the parents on Father’s Day. My father was telling me how he had to show some interns around Chinatown for his job. He said that there were a few girls there, and that he could maybe introduce me.
I’m through with Chinese girls, I told him. Which was a lie, because I’m actually through with Asian girls.
When I started telling Mr. XS this story, he asked, “When did you actually get anywhere with an Asian girl?” Which brings up a valid point, that Mr. XS is an asshole.
My parents took this pronouncement rather well, to my surprise. There was no “aiiyaah!” My mother calmly asked me why I made this decision–which, in retrospect, was less a decision I made than an adaptation I was forced into–to which I replied:
a) I have nothing in common with most of these girls, especially the ones that will be interning at a bank.
b) They tend to have nebulous political beliefs, which means they are susceptible to suggestion by the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy.
c) Da Vinci Code.
d) They’re after white guys anyway.
My parents agreed with my assertions, and the issue was put to rest. My parents rock.
Of course, I know there are Asian girls out there who read, have good politics, and perhaps even have a tolerance for dreamers, but I cannot compete with a white guy.
I hate to play the race card like this, but indulge me for a few more paragraphs, and I think I won’t come off as such a big jerk, because (get ready) “It’s not them, it’s me.”
I’m fat and angry and have low self-esteem. The latter two are because of my unresolved Asian American Identity Politics Awareness Issues. There’s the whole class thing (I was mortified that my father decided to stop going to the laundromat and instead hand-washed our clothes, and hung them on a clothesline [FOR ALL TO SEE] to dry). And the whole money thing, which is really tied in to class and connections.
So your average white guy in a striped shirt at a bar on a Saturday night is probably going to feel better about himself due to his having a job, a “normal,” (whatever that means) family, etc, even if he is fat. And as we’ve all been told, confidence attracts girls.
There’s also the insecurity from past failures, but to get into that would make it a whole thing…
SO, in conclusion, I don’t think my declaration makes any difference in the long run. I’ll be lucky to meet any girl who can tolerate me AND interest me. My statement was more like a theory: I won’t meet an Asian girl any time soon that can both tolerate and interest me.
If you are an Asian girl and feel I have erred, send pics plz!!!!!
