Fan’s Complaint

ZoomZoomLive

Originally uploaded by hfan.

This might just be the best picture of me since the one with the gun.

I really look like a serious wheelman here. The look on my face says, “Let’s see of those coppers in their Crown Vics can handle this move!”

This particular Miata I’m driving has a stick-shift, by the way. Unfortunately, the course was set up to be run entirely in second gear, so I did not have a chance to display my AWESOME HEEL-TOE TECHNIQUE, which I’m sure would’ve just floored the girl sitting next to me.

Chicks dig driving fast, right?

Well, at least it wasn’t a bucket of fried chicken in the passenger seat.

1. That horrible porno mag you bought in Lompoc, CA, when you had to rush because you didn’t want to be seen buying porn in front of children.

2. A pack of condoms you bought months ago, when you had mistakenly thought you would soon be getting laid.

A little over a year ago, I had the chance to get a 1987 Mazda RX-7 with only 20,000 miles for $3000. I couldn’t get the money together quickly enough, and the car got sold.

I woke up this morning feeling a tremendous sense of loss and longing. I constructed a plethora of alternate realities where I had done something differently or perhaps correctly. Is it possible to regret losing something that you never quite had in the first place?

I’m a liar. I don’t really care about the car all that much. But maybe the car would’ve kept me from losing something else?

Every decision I’ve made in the past twenty years, no matter how insignificant, could conceivably have taken me in the wrong direction. The burrito I had last night was the wrong choice. A phone call I made this past summer was at the wrong time. I chose the wrong things to study. I went to the wrong college. The wrong sperm got to the egg, etc.

And on that note, I’d like to wish everyone a happy All Saint’s Day, Children’s Day (Panama), D. Hamilton Jackson Day (US Virgin Islands), Remembrance Day (Slovenia), Revolution Day (Algeria).